A Cat's Life
by Dana-Eliza
Summary: The Akatsuki life based on the life of the kittens that roam my house. They are still human, just act weird and OOC, of course. New crack fic after Dear Diary! T-rated for possible language. More of an explanation on the first chapter.
1. Mornings

*coughs* I did a weird thing, but for the once who have read Dear Diary, you are used to this by now. You must know those stories of the Akatsuki members changing into kittens? Well, I'm sort of doing it the other way around. I'm basing their life on the lives of the kittens we have running around the house at the moment and they are with nine plus only one girl, so it kind of fitted perfectly.

In this case me or my mom is Zetsu and these are our usual mornings. Now just with people and not kittens...

…

_Hungry…_ _Food… _On his toes Deidara trails towards the kitchen, because that was where food was usually served. Soon he was joined by Sasori, Tobi and Kisame. Breakfast was the most important meal of the day and Zetsu was sleeping in! How could he do this to them? He was the one who took care of them and brought them food!

Finally the door opened again and Zetsu walked in, looking rather sleepily, so the first thing you do is…? Walk in front of him, so he trips over your feet and gets annoyed. Makes him hurry up, right?

'We need food now!' Deidara wailed.

'We're starving!' Kisame joined in.

'I think I'm going to die!' Sasori screamed from his place on the ground, faking it of course as he laid twitching on the floor.

Best thing to do now was cook dinner and serve it quickly. Frying some eggs on the stove Zetsu got to work, slapping hands away whenever they tried to grab the food before it was done and then on one big plate it was served, giving everyone a spoon. Now they could fight each other off. The three started to eat, but per usual the rest didn't show up, simply whined from their respectable places in the house.

'Idiots!' Zetsu called out through the opened kitchen door. 'Food is served!'

All the Akatsuki members came rushing from their rooms, except for one person. The little lady of the bunch who found it necessary to mess with something Deidara enjoyed much, his clay. Hurrying her towards the kitchen Zetsu simply rolled his eyes. They would just need to learn to play nicely and share their toys, because Zetsu was not going to get involved once one started to kill the other.

These kids really needed to fend for themselves…

...

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

If this idea hits it of, I'll post the pictures of the kittens on my fanfiction tumblr and write the names of the Akatsuki members under it who they represent!

So please let me know what you think! I'll be writing scenes whenever I have inspiration fed by the babies.


	2. Konan

This really is weird... Imagining a grown woman doing these things is... *coughs*

Konan's chapter everyone! :D

...

There was one rule Konan lived by. What the boys could do, she could do as well. Climb into a tree, she will climb higher. Murder the other members, she would be crueller. Empty out your entire plate of food, she will eat more. It wasn't because she needed to proof herself. No, Konan had nothing to proof. She had been just among them for so long that she felt the same. She was one of the guys and was definitely treated as such.

Sharing beds was a lot of fun and they were all practically family, so Konan slept with her "brothers" a lot. Seriously only sleeping. And not in the most flattering positions. Her "brothers" sometimes wondered what was wrong with her. Legs spread apart as far as they could go, arms all over the place and then the occasional snore that made her anything but feminine.

Konan was truly loved though.

She was the cute one of the bunch. Zetsu gushed over how cute she was occasionally and would fluff up her hair. Not something she enjoyed and the moody looks it got Zetsu didn't get ignored. It would only encourage Zetsu to ruffle up her hair even more.

Today Konan was lounging outside, hiding behind a… flowerpot.

With long strides Hidan walked out of the hideout, looking pretty pleased with himself as he held his chin high and his chest forward. His tough guy walk didn't go unnoticed by Konan, so without a warning she jumped up from behind her flowerpot, Hidan being completely oblivious about it, and then Konan flopped herself down right on top of Hidan, wrestling him until he submitted to her and ran away in defeat.

This was a good day for Konan…

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Let me know what you think!

Okay, guys. I posted a picture of Lily on my Tumblr. Go to my profile and click on the link for my fanfiction Tumblr. The last post is "Konan"!


	3. Hot days

Anyone still reading this?

This is how kittens spend their time when it's hot. Also yes, they like to destroy things. Your things to be exact.

...

On normal days Zetsu would get very suspicious when none of the Akatsuki members were walking in front of his feet, bothering him with their silly little problems and their need for food. This was not a normal day though. It was hot, very hot and only walking towards the bathroom made you break out a sweat. And then they say you should stay hydrated through the heat, only to sweat it all out once you needed to pee.

It was on these days that all the Akatsuki members were sprawled out somewhere, staying clear from moving around. No missions would be done and no historical artefacts would be destroyed in the attempt to steal it or… destroy it. Depended on what the idea was and who had been sent out to fulfil this duty.

Somewhere high up in a tree was Tobi sprawled out on a branch, stomach flat against the rough bark. On a branch next to his was Sasori, barely opening in eye when Zetsu had noticed them. As Zetsu kept looking up at the few Akatsuki members up in the tree, he almost stepped on Kisame who decided the ground was far better and cooler to lay on. Even Konan had found a rock to lay on, legs and arms spread around her to release as much body heat as she could.

The only one being a nutjob at this point was Deidara, who found this the right time to practise some of his moves. Meaning running after leaves that flicked up from the ground or running after his own ponytail whenever he saw it. Something like that at least. Zetsu found the sight to tiring to pay much attention to it.

Laying under a bush Pein or Nagato, however you wanted to call him was staring at Deidara, clearly thinking that the other was crazy and needed to seek help. Though it did look enticing and perhaps he should train along with him. Running around a round of trees seemed a very logical thing to do and then adding the factor of running after each other looked even better.

Five minutes later Zetsu questioned all of the Akatsuki members their sanity, because now all of them were awake, attacking each other and screaming murder when someone was a little too rough. Clearly it still wasn't hot enough…

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Let me know what you think!

You can again find a picture on my Tumblr! The brown one is Tobi and the red one is Sasori!


	4. Fighting for attention part 1

This kind of just happened with the babies... Another picture will be representing them on Tumblr!

...

There were days when no missions were planned and every Akatsuki member hung out somewhere around the base. Some spent time together and others chose solitude. Often on these days they either sought out the company of Zetsu or the other way around. Even if they had strange hobbies and behaved rather odd usually, Zetsu did enjoy spending time with them. As long as it wasn't too often and they didn't break any of his stuff recently.

It was on this day that Zetsu was out for a stroll, simply walking through the field around the base and enjoying the peace and quiet. He wasn't alone for long though. Soon joined by none other than Kakuzu, whom Zetsu had just fed, they sat down on the grass and chatted a little, nonsense mostly… Kakuzu mentioned he needed more money and more food, because he never had enough and Zetsu simply nodded yes while rubbing his belly… Something Kakuzu enjoyed a lot and usually it got Zetsu what he wanted. You can't hold it against him that he would occasionally lean forward and kiss Kakuzu's belly. If someone exposed himself like that, it was only normal to take advantage of it.

Only a few minutes had passed and Zetsu and Kakuzu had moved along a little bit again, and soon they were joined by another Akatsuki member. Running towards them with a lot of noise, whining how Zetsu should be giving him attention and food came Itachi, joining them quickly and claiming Zetsu's attention. A bit annoyed Kakuzu walked on, head held high, but Itachi was not done with him yet. Calling for Tobi Itachi pursued Kakuzu and a battle would soon rage on.

_To be continued…_

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Let me know what you think!


	5. Fighting for attention part 2

And then right in front of Zetsu the battle started. Itachi jumped right on top of a relaxing Kakuzu, uncaring how this would look to any of the others around. Pouncing a prey was how he worked and it was easy when the target wasn't paying attention to him at all. Kicking and biting Itachi made sure Kakuzu would feel his jealousy, fighting over the attention of their caretaker, Zetsu. Soon Kakuzu would retaliate though, throwing Itachi of his back and instead going right for his throat. They showed no mercy as they kicked and bit each other in every place they could.

Hidden under the trees was Tobi, waiting for his turn to fight Kakuzu or Itachi. To him it didn't matter. It was all the same, all fun. Tobi wasn't the brightest of the bunch, but a strong one. Zetsu found it odd that Tobi was even waiting for a turn at all. If he had been smart, he would've kicked the hell out of them while they were paying attention to each other, but Zetsu would not encourage such behaviour. Brothers should be nice to each other and that was how Zetsu saw them.

Eventually the fight broke up, not really giving any signal as to why. Itachi was just in such a weird mood that after letting out a scream he made a run for it, disappearing in the woods outside of the base. For a moment Kakuzu watched him leave, but it seemed this fight was not over after all. With menace in his eyes he took a spurt after Itachi, continuing the fight elsewhere…

All the while Tobi stayed hidden under the tree, waiting…

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Let me know what you think!


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